Breathing my Mind into Your Face

Drop your shorts and give me $20. That’s a good email subject line if I worked for Birddogs and was having a shorts sale. Today has been a good day. I woke up earlier than I’d like at 3:45 am. However, I did fall back asleep for a half-hour before getting up at 7. I filled my cup with some iced tea and headed down for a breakfast of egg casserole, pancakes, and bacon. Then I got my vitals checked. Blood pressure was a solid 119/78. The amount of folks in here with health problems is high. Makes me feel lucky I’m stopping now and starting on a life of recovery. It’s exciting and scary and that’s how it should feel. If i’m not doing anything to challenge or better myself then I won’t be scared and excited very often. There was nothing better when I was 21 and I felt that insane nervousness of performing stand-up comedy, then that feeling after you’re done and people laughed. Now I want to grow by having the courage to emotionally connect with people on a real level. Not for the sake of performance, for the sake of my personal growth. I want to create real and trusting relationships with more people. I want to be counted on. I don’t want to take so many things personally or beat myself up too bad.

Fatty livers, cirrhosis, pancreatitis, seizures, blood clots, hip replacements. These are all symptoms my fellow rehabbers are dealing with. Like I said, I’m lucky.

After vitals I was first up at window #2 to get my meds. Day 2 of strateera which I will use to replace adderall. Day 1 of Campral which will quell the urges. My first dose of antabuse begins tomorrow. That will ensure I get violently ill if I consume any alcohol. I also got my standard dose of prozac and lipitor. After that I got my short term disability paperwork done and told HR I’d be back next Tuesday. Lecture was interesting today. I learned about dialectical abstinence. Basically, the need to keep an even keel and not substitute booze and weed for another addiction. You can get addicted to pretty much anything. Being a jack of all trades, master of none is actually better than being a master of one. I’ll have to be sure to send Pete the full quote because dad used to say that about him. After lunch I ran 2.7 miles at an 8:25 pace, got 1 hour of phone time, then had dinner. Now it’s off to learn about Smart Recovery. Later.