Breathing my Mind into Your Face

Zits, bullying, books knocked out, tie yanks, last name rhymes with gay, catholic school, moving states in middle of 3rd grade, moving schools after fourth grade, family that doesn’t connect emotionally (No I love you’s or hugs until after first inpatient visit to rehab), late bloomer / no pubes, lack of honesty despite dad stressing importance, blaming myself, nothing ever good enough, family peace keeper pressure, accutane, throwing up in hot girls car first time I got drunk. I liked the feeling of saying anything and other people talking about me, even if it was supposed to be embarrassing. I wasn’t invisible. Drank piss out of 40. Prom date clotheslined me. MIP first night at college. From little smiley boy to drunk boy.