Breathing my Mind into Your Face

Today’s meditation was about observing your mind as a third party. Something I do constantly. I will look at my mind as an outsider so I can recognize when I’m having bouts of negativity and anxiety. None of that this morning, just some Taylor Swift song on a loop. I would find my center, zero in on the breath, then right back to Tay Tay. This will be good for when I start to think that nothing matters, or shit is too hard. Remember it’s only me that can see these thoughts. Like Gorillaz says, “Remember that it’s all in your head.” I need to see those mother fuckers in concert when I’m sober. I saw them a while back at Fox theatre and don’t remember shit. I was blacked and passed out the whole show. Friends said it was a great show. In the past when I’ve talked to others about concerts I’ve seen, I would say I saw them and leave out the fact that I have no recollection. No more though. That’s not the relentless honesty I need. I fucked up some past but I’m going to do well today and maybe tomorrow. I am not mad about the years lost. I’m lucky to have today. This new lifestyle kicks ass. I went to a pet expo with the boys last Friday night. I didn’t have any urges to drink when I saw the bar there. I didn’t have any need to fast forward my mind to when I could get the boys to bed in order to slink off into my mind for the night in a booze and weed haze. I’m so happy to be a part of their right now again. I feel connected to them, I’m rejoining the family. This is  a beautiful thing. I want to help people and be kind to myself. I feel my confidence returning. I’m excommunicating the addict from my mind. I know he’s crafty and will ultimately return from whatever far off lands I send him. But I will be strong. I will sit upon this stone cold sober throne forever! No one will end my reign! For I have the power of Bill W and all the people of addictland to fight for a clean kingdom. The filth of our addiction will forever be banished. Fuck yes mother fucker!