Breathing my Mind into Your Face

Why the fuck am I up? I’ve been in this Hilton Homeward bound suites business center since 3:30. Catching all the sweet black friday deals. Feeling a bit manic at first but now getting very sleepy. Drinking a ginger ale. Drinking a coffee to power me through the morning would be a bad idea. Getting another 2 hours of sleep = good idea. I went to bed at 10, woke up at midnight, then slept restlessly until 3. That ain’t gonna cut it. I should try cutting off the caffeine today to see if it leads to sleep. Remember your recovery is most important priority. Not catching all the sweet deals or making sure the extended family has a well-planned out and awesome day today between hiking, the science center, national comedy center museum in Lucille Ball’s hometown of Jamestown NY, The Strong National museum of play, Seneca park zoo, hiking in the grand canyon of the east (letchworth state park, George Eastman museum (started Kodak). Madre dios, Rochester has a lot of shit to do. You’re an animal dad, but chill the fuck out. The more you sift through the more manic you become. Let’s slow it down and focus on our breath. Yes, that’s the ticket.

Sleep is more than okay, it’s not worth fighting. Consistent sleep is super important to your recovery. Don’t miss the 7am zoom meeting because you love that meeting. That’s something for you. You can share your experience of being 50 days sober and having thanksgiving in a bar. My first test since coming out of rehab. Not ideal, but not a big deal. I don’t want to go back very often. I focused on catching up with Uncle B and Uncle P to a lesser extent. I also watched a fair amount of the Lions fucking up yet another game. The all Bills audience enjoyed my frustration as I had previously cheered for them. Why would I cheer for those dipshits? You leave 23 seconds on the clock for Josh Allen? Are you fucking kidding me moron? Dan Campbell seems like a great motivator who cares for his men like an older brother would. But he and his coaches also seem kind of dumb as fuck. 

Headed to cousin’s for a second helping of pecan pie and ice cream. Chatted with S, K, Aunt MA, wife, and Gram kind of. Gram has lost touch with reality but she still has the same pleasant nature she’s always had. She just doesn’t know who I am anymore. That’s okay, I know who she is. I’ll soak up her presence again tonight at Aunt MA’s. I’ll get a photo, a hug, and a kiss, and who knows, maybe we’ll be back next year prior to her 98th birthday. My energy at S’s was a bit scattered and frenetic. Probably the coca cola. I could tell wife was tired and annoyed but I don’t care that I overshare, this is my family, it’s okay for them to know about me. Even if that’s shitty. My enthusiasm can be a bit tough for people to handle and it does come off manic. Remember, you don’t need to be center of attention. You can rest, relax and just be. You don’t have to plan everything. Okay, I”m tired.