Breathing my Mind into Your Face

Nothing to say so I just want to get my mind out of the way. Focus on the fingers pushing in the keys. This is the tool I use to address thoughts like these. Too sticky, time for a new keyboard. I do like a hard button to push. Working hard like old Burroughs on one of his dads machines. It’s okay to embrace things that are easy. There’s enough hard shit in this world. I’m sober. I’m in recovery. Lucky me. Please come with me. If I grow can you too? Not to be codependent but because it’s in you. Do not fear that which you’ve never done. I know it can be fun. I don’t need the poison in my system to be normal. I don’t care if thousands of years of human history dictate that alcohol defines our social existence. There are others that believe like me. This is a cult. Sad that it has to be called a cult when all we’re trying to do is live an honest life free of drugs and alcohol. I’m comfortable allowing the world I don’t know to continue with their customs and only participate when necessary. What about my house though? What about my love? Do I sit by while they’re polluted? I don’t think so. I take agency over what I can control. Even in small doses alcohol is still toxic poison for the mind and body. I’ve made the decision  not to let it hurt me anymore because I’m awesome deep down. My soul is good. My heart is true. I want to help me and help you. Change is hard. Change takes courage. Does the end draw near or can we find a way from our fear? Please make the compromise. Keep our sanctuary alcohol free, for the boys and me. I get it, I’m a hypocrite. You married me under false pretense because you didn’t know I had the disease. You thought I just liked to party, but I didn’t. I liked to be someone else. As long as booze could make me someone I thought was better for a while I could handle all the negative repercussions. But now i’m forty-four, repercussions are mounting, death is nearing. This toxin isn’t worth it. I have to be on guard because it could easily take control of me again. I’m not at a point where I can guarantee I won’t make a wrong turn into a liquor store. Then I’m in the hospital, then i’m killing myself or someone else on accident, then there is no good that ever comes. It’s not worth the occasional funny joke in public. It’s not worth anything in this world. I guess I don’t know if you love me and the family more than the way of life you’ve always known. I know this journey I’m on is the right path. Whatever comes, I’ll be okay and so will my family.