Breathing my Mind into Your Face

I stood in the mirror for five minutes staring into my eyes. I was pleased with what I saw. The remnants from my acne addled past recede from view a little more with each passing year, lending my face a rugged, lived a lot of life quality. I look down at my belly and wish it didn’t protrude. I’m 193 lbs. I’d like to be 180. I won’t get an eating disorder over it. I’ll continue to work out 3 or 4 times a week. I’ll continue eating a somewhat healthy diet 3-4 days a week. I just ordered a weight vest. I’m looking to level up but I’m not going to lose my shit about it. 

There’s always a little part of me that wants to give up. During my me vs. me staring contest earlier I heard that asshole inside me. Telling me I couldn’t. Telling me I’d fuck it up and people would say no. Saying, “people don’t want to include you on the PTA meeting agenda because they resent you for presuming you’d get a slot during committee action items. You’re not wanted here.” “Those parents moved their kids to a new basketball team this session because you just didn’t have a good command of those kids coach. They didn’t respect your authority because your own son didn’t and they followed his lead. They got their kid on Jeff’s team. Jeff is way better.” Well the joke’s on you because I didn’t even coach this session bitch! What a fucking asshole of an inner voice. Every morning I read my prayer telling my inner voice to be nice to myself and others. I’ve got the others part down pretty good. Speak up better angel, speak up!