Breathing my Mind into Your Face

My brother arrived at detox on Friday. It’s Monday and he is already healed. Hallelujah it’s a miracle! Nevermind that he spent the Thursday before going in sucking down crack. It was a minor bump in the road. He’s going to do some DoorDashing to save up some money for a hike on the old Appalachian trail this summer with his drug-addled army buddy. I haven’t spoken with him because I can’t call him and he hasn’t called me with his phone allotment. The info I’ve received is from his wife which needs to be taken with a grain of salt since she’s a frequent liar. However, bro is also a constant liar. I wonder what percentage of words he speaks in a day have truth. I guess if he says he’s hungry or has to piss that’s probably accurate. Anything relative to his past or future accomplishments, his comings, goings, substance and liquid intake; all bullshit. Maybe he’s telling the truth about what he’s watched on Netflix, but he’s likely so fucked up while watching he doesn’t know what he saw and has to look up the synopsis on IMBD in order to pretend like he saw it when he speaks with someone who doesn’t live life in a permanent state of fucked upedness. I know from experience dude.

So here I sit without much of a game plan for how to help him. I don’t think I could get him to see that another reality is possible. It’s been going on so long. If I could consolidate the worlds’ most motivational commencement keynotes into a five minute monologue about how bright his future is outside of the influence, it would still have no impact. I can tell him he’s going to die and he won’t believe me. Four days without crack just isn’t enough to get outside its cloud. I wish I could do something. I wish he believed he was a good person with something to give the world beyond his former military service. He’s loyal and wants to be helpful. There’s a good core there. 

He leaves detox on Wednesday. I don’t have much hope he’ll transition to a long term inpatient treatment facility. If any of his friends have a car or license then he’ll get picked up and head out on an epic bender. His wife told him he’s not allowed home. I guess the search for the bottom continues. fuck.