My brother goes to rehab in Georgia tomorrow courtesy of the VA. So glad he’s committing to 45 days of inpatient treatment. I know he doesn’t think he’s an addict as of yet which could be a problem. In AA they always say it’s one of the three L’s that bring people to the program. Law, liver, or love. The law dogs aren’t pursuing him. His wife continues to get fucked up, is finalizing the divorce and is already collecting new dick. So it’s not like he’s going to win her back with a transformation. He does have fatty liver from the intake but I don’t think he much gives a fuck. I’m hopeful the program will motivate him to love himself.
Does my family feel worthy of happiness? I’m so critical of myself and others. That shit was trained in me through childhood. I need to question my ideas of perfection. Someone will always be better. I like the quote from the daily reflection today, “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone–even alcohol.” I love not losing that fight anymore. Drinking was me getting comfortable giving up. I always think there’s someone out there wishing I would do more. Whether it’s a co-worker wishing I’d done a better job on that power point deck or made more outreach phone calls. Or my wife stewing about me not doing enough with the kids or folding enough laundry. I see inside their mind even though it’s my mind that’s the culprit here. I’ll keep working on getting better by creating strong habits but I don’t want to be a complete dick to myself either. I’m going to eat some fucking skittles, skip some AA meetings, and watch some shows. And I won’t be homeless as a result. Give up and go for the ride baby.
Breathing my Mind into Your Face 
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