Breathing my Mind into Your Face

A great friend sent the below passage to me Tuesday and now I’ll be reading it every day for the rest of my life, or at least for today. I’ve never read something that so perfectly captures how I want to live. Every time I read it I zero in on another line. The quote is by Rachel Naomi Remen, a physician, and author who is known for her work in the field of integrative medicine and the connection between the mind, body, and spirit in healing. The quote is from her book “Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal,” which was published in 1996.

The purpose of healing is not to be forever happy; that is impossible. The purpose of healing is to be awake. And to live while you are alive instead of dying while you are alive. Healing is about being broken and whole at the same time. Healing is about opening our hearts, not closing them. It is about softening the places in us that won’t let love in. Healing is a process.The act of being fully in the moment, alive to the subtleties of sensation, feeling, awake to color, sound, temperature, the awareness of life as it is — not as it was, not as it could have been, not as you wish it would be — is what being alive is all about.

As I share this I think about how dudes don’t often get deep with each other. I’m lucky to have friends I’ve had forever that I’m comfortable exposing my insecurities to. Once we’re done bullshitting about Michigan State sports, so and so’s great tits, and everything the kids have going we get more into what living our best life means, what pisses us off, what we can do to help each other. Sort of. Even with these ride or die mofo’s I still present my existence with a gloss to make it seem like I’m crushing it. Thank god for AA and my daily 7am zoom meeting. Getting to see the occasional male teardrop has helped me open up more. I haven’t cried because I’m pretty happy. Or maybe because I’m still on Prozac. 

I played in golf league last night and had four puffs from other people’s joints. Risky behavior. As I was high my addict mind said: “You should take an edible when you get home and stay up late watching stand-up comedy specials on Netflix.” Thankfully my buzz wore off by the last hole and I decided it’d be better if I caught up on work email, went to bed with my wife and read my self-help book. Balance got the victory, beware, because that’s rare.