Breathing my Mind into Your Face

I can’t decide if I want to always be on drugs or if I’d rather be completely straight edge with the exception of Lipitor for cholesterol. By seven this morning I’d already had:

• 250 MG Antabuse (makes me very sick if I consume alcohol)
• 1000 MG Fish Oil (I hear it’s good for you)
• Prebiotic (Supposed to keep me regular with the pooping)
• 10 MG Lexipro (Helps improve happiness and reduce anxiety)
• 10 MG Adderall (Speed prescribed by the doctor for ADHD)
• 17 MG Ritalin (Stolen from 9 year old son)
• 100 MG Caffeine from coffee
• 1 tube of Zipfizz (Contains 100MG caffeine from guarana, green tea extract and green coffee bean extract and 104,167% of my daily Vitamin B12 requirement)

This evening it will be my goal to not smoke a joint. If tonight is like last night I will not achieve my goal. The morning drugs are meant to make me hit peak performance at the gym and work. I’m seeking a flat stomach, a sub 180 pound body, and performance at work that helps me maintain my current position comfortably. Meaning I don’t want others thinking I should be in charge of a bunch more because I’m not looking for more hours and responsibility in the service of a company that isn’t mine. The drug theft from my son isn’t typical. We’ve been giving him a break from Ritalin this summer so I’ve helped myself to his thinking it makes me that much more productive. I try to get 7 hours of sleep. However, sometimes I don’t and my body needs to catch up. To execute this catch up I don’t take caffeine or speed for a day on the weekend. Then my wife wonders why I’m being so lazy.

The weed makes me feel guilty when taken daily. It inspires unnecessary snacking and TV watching. If I can keep that to three nights a week I’ll be more satisfied with my performance. I am not looking for any help or guidance. It’s important to have an honest historical record of my mind and my actions.