Breathing my Mind into Your Face

Sweet mother of christ, I sure do piss a lot during the night. I got up to pee four times last night. Full loads each time. Then I’d read Pachinko for a while before falling back asleep. I’ve been reading a lot of books lately that follow multiple generations of a family. In each one a persecuted group rises up through hard work and resourcefulness to overcome their shitty starting position in life. I don’t work nearly as hard as the people in these books that do nothing but rise, work, and save the little they make in order to help the next generation have a better life. I don’t know if I’m lazy from an analytics perspective when compared to the rest of the suburban dads out there, but I feel that way. At least I didn’t have any weed last night. My wife thinks I’ve got problems because I’m always looking to alter my natural state. She’s correct. She wants me to see a therapist or make some changes because she doesn’t like that I get high most nights. I don’t think she objects to how I am when high, but she doesn’t like that it’s not the real me. She’s correct when she tells me I’m a hypocrite because I don’t like hanging out with her when she’s drunk. I’m altering my natural state with adderall, caffeine, cannabis,and psilocybin. I asked her if she’d be willing to do MDMA with me. I’m doing everything except alcohol. My disdain of booze remains strong, for now. It’s about time I got back on track.