Breathing my Mind into Your Face

I’m sitting at my desk. No shower, tooth brushing, or deodorizing has happened as of yet. I attended a board meeting for our local educational foundation via Zoom because I didn’t feel like preparing myself for in-person consumption by 7:30am. After that I completed my annual abuse training that allows me to coach my kid’s baseball team. It’s looking like I won’t leave the house again today since there’s only a high of 42 and there’s snow on the ground. Now the big question mark is whether to take a shower. I didn’t yesterday so I should, however, I don’t much feel like it. If I shower then that guarantees I won’t do any physical activity later as I’d hate to risk having to take two showers in a day. The lack of physical activity will put me in a shittier mood, but would also result in me going to bed earlier than normal. I’d hate to miss out on my shows. I’m overthinking it.

Yesterday I rolled out of bed at 7:45 then sat in the recliner until 9 watching the Today Show, drinking my two cups of coffee, and reading my daily updates from the NY Times, The Hustle, Axios Detroit, Axios Markets, and the Car Dealership Guy. I felt like I was suppressing annoyance all day  at work. I was waiting for someone to ask what was wrong with me. My fake smile through the computer camera must have been sufficient because there were no confrontations. I made it through the motions until six when I came out of the office to check on how the homework was coming along for my oldest. He needed no help so I went to the porch for a couple puffs off the weed vape before my wife and youngest got back from the orthodontist. I don’t think she can tell when I’ve had a couple puffs because she hasn’t mentioned it. I worry the sense I have that my mind works better when coated in cannabis will keep me stoned every evening. I talk a bit more openly and ask more questions after a couple puffs. Yesterday I relayed a story about responding to a fifth grade girl classmate who’d had a friend deliver me a note informing me she liked me and inquiring as to whether I liked her. I said I did like her and after that we were “going with” each other for a few days before the embarrassment of having so many people notice me caused me to cut off ties. The noticing came in the form of people singing that we were k-i-s-s-i-n-g in a tree. My hope with the story was to inspire my fifth grader to open up more about girl/boy relations in his class and potentially offer a glimpse into his own interactions with the opposite sex. He said he’d heard about stuff like that going on at another school via a couples text thread, but nothing much doing in his class.

Before bed I dominated a couple episodes of Jeopardy. After getting the kids away from their lego sets and under the covers with their books, my wife and I locked the bedroom door. Thank god for these heavy ass doors our house came with. After mutual satisfaction was achieved, I went to the basement with a big ass piece of Oreo ice cream cake on top of two Eggo Thick and Fluffy waffles coated in butter, strawberry preserves, and syrup. I fell asleep watching “They Cloned Tyrone” on Netflix. I woke up at 4am and headed upstairs to bed where I never officially fell back asleep. I either need an extra adderall or a nap today. I’ll most likely take an extra adderall and continue the current cycle until I catch up on sleep this weekend. Hopefully tomorrow I can get out of the house.