I really hate doing this at 12:45 AM. I should be sleeping soundly in that cloud of a bed upstairs. I took my prescribed trazedone and adderax at bedtime, yet here i sit in the office with a mind on overdrive. That first step is on my mind. After introducing myself to the AA Zoom squad yesterday, I’m…

Remember that drugs and alcohol are poisons that invade and harm my body and also take over my middle brain. Make recovery the top priority. This will prevent me from all the negative consequences that drinking and weed have caused in my life. Trust yourself and you will be able to trust others. Use at…

I just left the evening AA meeting. It was the same two speakers from last week and people kept asking all these questions about whether addiction was a disease, hereditary, or a choice. It was getting annoying but luckily the leader of the meeting shut it down by saying: “the origin or explanation for it…

Zits, bullying, books knocked out, tie yanks, last name rhymes with gay, catholic school, moving states in middle of 3rd grade, moving schools after fourth grade, family that doesn’t connect emotionally (No I love you’s or hugs until after first inpatient visit to rehab), late bloomer / no pubes, lack of honesty despite dad stressing…

Dad always stressed the importance of honesty then he lied all the time. He’d say, “Do as I say not as I do.” I’m the same way. I pride myself on my candidness then lie out of insecurity. I lie to myself, but mostly to others. I have to speak truth and work on bettering…

Are all alcoholics naturally damaged, depressed people that use because life seems pointless? Maybe I just got fucked up along the way and something happened to make life frustrating and worth drowning out. I want to love myself. I’ve always been a contrarian. I always poke holes in any group or system. I want to…