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10/20/2022 Evening Reflection
I really hate doing this at 12:45 AM. I should be sleeping soundly in that cloud of a bed upstairs. I took my prescribed trazedone and adderax at bedtime, yet here i sit in the office with a mind on overdrive. That first step is on my mind. After introducing myself to the AA Zoom squad yesterday, I’m…
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10/16/2022 D-Day
Remember that drugs and alcohol are poisons that invade and harm my body and also take over my middle brain. Make recovery the top priority. This will prevent me from all the negative consequences that drinking and weed have caused in my life. Trust yourself and you will be able to trust others. Use at…
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10/15/2022 2:45AM Saturday
“It’s 2:45 in the morning, and I’m putting myself on warning.” – Elliott Smith. I can’t stop thinking about the disagreement / difficult conversation my wife and I had yesterday between 8:30-9pm. She feels like she’s not getting the support she needs and she is having a tough time dealing with the fact that we…
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10/14/2022 7:30PM Friday
I just left the evening AA meeting. It was the same two speakers from last week and people kept asking all these questions about whether addiction was a disease, hereditary, or a choice. It was getting annoying but luckily the leader of the meeting shut it down by saying: “the origin or explanation for it…
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10/13/2022 Day 8
Drop your shorts and give me $20. That’s a good email subject line if I worked for Birddogs and was having a shorts sale. Today has been a good day. I woke up earlier than I’d like at 3:45 am. However, I did fall back asleep for a half-hour before getting up at 7. I…
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10/13/2022 Why I’m an Addict
Zits, bullying, books knocked out, tie yanks, last name rhymes with gay, catholic school, moving states in middle of 3rd grade, moving schools after fourth grade, family that doesn’t connect emotionally (No I love you’s or hugs until after first inpatient visit to rehab), late bloomer / no pubes, lack of honesty despite dad stressing…
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10/13/2022 Day 8
Dad always stressed the importance of honesty then he lied all the time. He’d say, “Do as I say not as I do.” I’m the same way. I pride myself on my candidness then lie out of insecurity. I lie to myself, but mostly to others. I have to speak truth and work on bettering…
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10/12/2022 Day 7
I had this vivid dream just now. I lived next to Jay Z and Beyonce. I was on the deck about to spark up a joint but then I saw Blue Ivy standing on her balcony looking at me with disappointment in her eyes. However, in the next frame of the dream I was convincing…
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10/12/2022 Day 7
I’m so thankful to have my wife in my life as my person to be with forever. I’m proud of myself for having the courage to be here at rehab but know I wouldn’t have come without her doing the legwork and setting it up. She made the calls and did the research. She researched…
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10/11/2022 Day 6
I’m an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. I’ve been up since 4:30am. Hammies are killing me from restorative yoga yesterday. I’m anxious to call my wife to see how the ER went last night. H was having a scan to see if he got a concussion from his fall from a tree the other day.…
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Breathing my Mind into Your Face 