Breathing my Mind into Your Face

I want too much and it’s obvious to others, assuring I don’t get it. If I was willing to take what I want that would be cool. I can hear my dad telling me to do what needs doing right away. Making a mental note of a problem fucks up my mental state. Now it’s bouncing around in my head as another thing that needs doing. What to do what to do. I know not. I often feel like a collapse is looming. Like something bad is going to happen and fuck up normalcy. Scary stuff. I feel if I could just work a bit harder and smarter and more collaboratively, then maybe I’d feel comfort and satisfaction. I have to take so many breaks. From work, from my family, from everyone. I felt annoyed that my oldest wanted to stay up to watch the soccer game with me last night. I’d been listening too long to all things Pokemon and really wanted to be alone. Why can’t I go to bed when my wife does? So much me time doing absolutely jack shit. How many shows must one man watch? That is what makes me depressed. Those hours between 9 and midnight doing absolutely nothing, letting all those things I think about that would make me better fester in my mind. Then I wake up with big plans that I can’t execute because I’m dealing with other shit that seems to pop up each and every mother fucking day.