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The VA is Broken like my Brother
Last wednesday morning I bought a ticket to Atlanta so I could help my sister-in-law find my brother. The next day my brother and I drove the six hours to my mom’s house on the coast of South Carolina, he had divorce papers in hand. Before my flight from Detroit to Atlanta my sis-in-law said she had heard…
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Lying with Gratitude
If someone at the game asks me how I have all this energy at the age of 45 I’m not going to say, “It’s simple Bill, I give myself a healthy dose of amphetamines prior to every game.”
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Big Dumb Brother
My brother arrived at detox on Friday. It’s Monday and he is already healed. Hallelujah it’s a miracle! Nevermind that he spent the Thursday before going in sucking down crack.
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Moral Inventory – Fitting In
I remember having my books knocked out of my hands, having my tie yanked down until it would rip, getting my balls thumped with the back of a wrist, being called gay, being called zits, no pubes, being pushed into the lockers
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Please Stop Using Crack
My brother is supposed to go to detox today. I think he will go. He’s unemployed and will lose his wife if he doesn’t. My bro-in-law sounded the alarm a couple weeks ago after visiting Atlanta. I spoke with his wife yesterday and she’d found a crackpipe and crack rock in his sock drawer. Apparently he’s…
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Polychronopolous
During my me vs. me staring contest earlier I heard that asshole inside me. Telling me I couldn’t.
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Booze Bros
My brother is heavy on my mind. My blood and fellow alcoholic. He doesn’t think he has a problem outside of his control. My brother-in-law went to Atlanta for a visit last week and spent some time with bro and his wife. The report back was that an intervention is needed ASAP to save his marriage…
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Dad at the Nudist Colony
Did dad trim his bush before heading out to the nudist colony? Do all guys like boobs as much as me? I almost exclusively follow hot women with big boobs on Instagram. I know stranger’s areolas better than my own kids faces. Is that universal? I remember walking down a Venice sidewalk at the age…
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Pulling Teeth
Hi I’m Matt and I’m alive which is pretty badass. I’m just a speck in this big ass universe that’s sharing some air space with you sexy motherfuckers tonight. Might as well enjoy it. I’m married with two boys ages 7 and 9. On the whole I like being a dad but they definitely make…
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